Friday, May 28, 2010

Day 1

We arrive at Camp Tumbleweed
i am soooooo tired of this. when are we gonna go watch tv? i'm handsome. i'm pretty. you love me. everybody loves me. ...except for a couple of stupid cats. well...now...ya fed me, ya let me run around the yard, ya love me... ...i guess you can take my picture. c'mon! let me out! there are some weeds i missed!
Russell needs triage Arts and Crafts Class
Exhibit A (for the lawsuit) Do I really need to explain my actions? the triage doc fixed me up nice. told me to stay away from Marge. i was only saying 'HI!' told the doc that Marge obviously has it out for me and i'm not safe!
doc told me that with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, i needed an outlet to center myself and get in touch with my inner child. he suggested arts and crafts. i went with the amber beads accented with small white ones and added the brown glass beads for pinache. totally forgot what was stressing me out. he gets PTSD and i get dragged to arts and crafts. inner child? my ass. i scared his inner child so far in, it would take russell 3 weeks to find him. i went with the black beads, adding small white and blue beads as accents and a modest red glass bead just to remind wimpy that style and attitude go paw in paw.

Day 2
Enjoying the great outdoors
i don't get it. same backyard, different day. i have access to this view for a reason. i'll figure it out someday. as i gaze upon the eastern horizon, i see an asphalt jungle. i recognize the wheeled transports. they are empty. hope they stay that way. this is MY yard! My yard, i tell ya. stupid campers. and they're BOY campers besides! jeesh! boys! they think they're so cool with their.......new collars that they made. i changed my mind about exploring the southwest quadrant. i should have my guide tomorrow. tall guy with a beard said something about getting on the commandant's nerves.
as i was heading out to the southwest quadrant, i heard a noise. (pensively roaming) strange to have a locked building out on the savannah. maybe the bearded one will let me see inside tomorrow. let's go! we know the grub is inside.

Day 3
Music Appreciation Class
hey, commandant! pick a genre! classic rock, country, jazz, alternative, tony bennett? i think my favorite is dwight yoakam. sadly, the music is too random. oh, god...when will she download some new stuff? really getting sick of aerosmith, van halen and rush.
Working up an appetite
Men! Always thinkin' the grass is greener. Yep, I did hit this one already. Haven't hit this one yet. I KNOW I'm just as good-lookin' as Russell. Do I look busy?
The sooner we go in, the sooner we eat. Ok...I'm here...What did you want? I like hangin' with you, too, bro. Time for a short jog. I've heard stories about animals getting out. I don't know why they would want to leave.
I saw a ferocious animal go through the fence around here. Note from camp management: If you ever lose sight of Russell, you'll find him here. Such a lovely day. Yep. I already hit this one. What happened to age before beauty? How about ladies first?
the kids from Camp Eatin-Me-Outta-House-N-Home crash the party.
HA-HA! they brought their MOM!
Follow me, kids. We all know the way. Yay! We're in! Hey! Where's the dish for the catfood? Keep lookin'. The cats may have dropped something. Usually, you can't resist my face.
This is the recycling area. Maybe they're recycling empty food containers. I'm comin' for your food. Didn't think I'd do it, did you? Uh-oh! He's gonna put these on Facebook! We're outta here.

Day 4

Scent Hound Competition
It's 11:51 am. I could do this all day. 11:52 am. Yep...I'm still here. On the outskirts of the sacrificial altar, i smell Italian sausage. This big box is adding heat to a shaded spot. I'm confused. I should go back to my perch. I seem to be the only one concerned with protecting the camp. Gonna check out this heated shade that Russell is yappin' about.
What is his problem? There's nothing wrong with this shade. Seems a bit warm. I agree! It was a squirrel! OK. Nothing to chase, nothing to eat. Must be nap time. Almost noon. Let me review the situation one more time. The southwest quadrant is intriguing.
We should go together. That was amazing. We need to go there again soon. Wait! I heard something. Didn't you mention nap time earlier? A little past noon. Trust me. This IS the last time. What's to look at? Asphalt, wheeled transports, other buildings. We're safer here where people love us.
Meatloaf wins the Memorial Day Pinball Tournament
Sorry, boys. My machine, my rules. I had home field advantage.

Day 5
Sadly, the campers go home.
Russell leaves with a custom-made protective helmet for the next time he comes to stay at Camp Tumbleweed.

I will be writing a tersely worded letter to camp management regarding my treatment by the bullies.